thoughts from a newly employed noob

i couldn’t help but re-read my first post after moving to portland and think about how much has changed in 22 months (it seems especially silly (and a bit ridiculous) of me to have referred to nicole as “my roommate”).

those feelings that i described in that post seem so distant but yet so familiar. i remember having a flood of emotions overwhelm me during the first trip out of the state where i would be staying and my family would be leaving. and 22 months later, i’m dreaming of the day where i can go back.

the homeless population is still, unfortunately, high, and we have surprisingly run into ellis a few more times. i have found a new favorite donut shop in portland besides blue star (pips!!!), and the portland state farmers market on saturdays will forever be my favorite place to go to on a saturday morning, as it is the perfect place to look for flowers that are in season for a reasonable price.

now that i’m back as a 24 year-old who is done with school forever (!!), there is much change ahead of me. looking for a clinical fellowship during school was not the most fun, or easy, thing ever, but i did it. i was in a whole level of stress trying to figure out what my next steps were after graduation, and now that i know, i’m not ready for it. one of the most frightening things is realizing that i have to earn my vacation days, and that every day will be pretty much just like the day before or after. no more complaining that my winter break was only 2 weeks when yours was 3, or that you got the entire thanksgiving week off and i only got that thursday and friday.

setting all that aside, my heart is so, so overjoyed to know that i can use what i have been explicitly been taught and trained to help those who need my expertise. what an honor! what a privilege! i knew that i wanted to be in a helping profession, and i’m so glad God has lead me here, to work with my most favorite population in the entire world.

i hope you can truly feel my joy! people always ask why i do what i’m about to do with the people i do it with, and i am more than pleased to share.
as i am about to go into this profession – whether short term (as i also want to go overseas for long-term missions) or long term – let me share with you why i have taken this path and how it speaks to who i am:

• as i stated earlier, i have always known that i wanted to be in a helping profession (except for when i was super young, which was when i wanted to be either a 1) mermaid or 2) news reporter on a helicopter). it burdens me to see others suffering in a way that can be helped and/or prevented. health issues are pretty much universal, and though i did consider going to school for pt, being an slp, i believe, offers a more intimate setting that allows for rapport building and relationships to be built with our patients. the need is never ending!
• when you hear “speech language pathology,” you probably/most likely will not think of swallowing difficulties. but my scope of practice most certainly covers that. interesting, right? swallowing is what i find the most interesting. it’s so specific, and it’s quite fascinating how much really goes behind swallowing on so much more levels than what the average person even thinks about/is aware of. i’d talk about it for days, but for now, i’ll leave it at that.
• old people are my favorite. the geriatric population touches and fills my heart in so many ways that other things cannot. growing up, i was close to my maternal grandparents. my paternal grandparents unfortunately lived in hk until their passing, but my relationship with my maternal ones were strong. i remember staying over at their place when my parents had to work. my brother and i would wake up from our pillow and blanket fort on the ground to hear my grandmother making some food in the kitchen and my grandfather doing his morning exercises that ended with him doing his devotions on the dinner table. i didn’t realize how much i could love them, and how much they were a part of my life. at times, i felt that i loved them even more than my own parents. they had a way with words, their actions spoke a bit louder, and their mannerisms moved me in a way that words cannot describe. it saddens me to see so many people in nursing homes who only have their families visit once a year (more if you’re lucky), or for those whom i know that don’t care, or respect, their grandparents. they were young once, just like us, you know. they have heads and hearts full of wisdom, life stories, and memories that may seem hidden, but are revealed when you give them your time. they have gone through life and what they know cannot be bought. before i even think of going on and on about how i feel about the geriatric population, all you need to know is that they have a very, very special place in my heart.
• as a follower of Jesus and one who tries to practice his way, we are to worship him in what we do. this entails an act of worship directly to him, but worshiping Jesus can also be reflected by serving others.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Romans 12:1

these feelings feel so natural because they are. they are part of me. they are me.

there is so much more i can go into, but this will do for now. i’m a bit overwhelmed with what lies ahead of me, but i couldn’t be more ecstatic. new and scary things don’t always equate to bad and dangerous things. the feelings that overcome me when change happens can be overtaking, but as a childhood poem that i’ve grown up memorizing says:

when everything is new and strange, trust in God – He will not change.