goodbye, portland (for now) | video

i’ve been avoiding compiling this video because i’m always feeling as if it’s too soon to look at these videos and memories of the past. yep, there, i said it. i’m in denial. i cannot believe that it has now become “i lived in portland” instead of “i am in portland.” to make matters worse, i just rewatched my most recent video and now my heart has been broken into a million more pieces.

but, it’s been good. things are starting to move along with my fellowship, and i’m now living in a new city with a new roommate. it’s a tough change, but i’m hopeful.

anyways – i’ve completed compiling the video of what happened right after grad, to when i officially moved out of my apartment. those days were such a blur; i was torn between whole-heartedly enjoying the last days i had in portland with my family, and wanting to do what i’ve been doing for the past two years for the very last time (e.g., sitting in coffee shops for hours, walking through downtown via the streetcar, going on hikes, people watching from the food carts on SW Washington & Alder).
on the morning of the day we were scheduled to leave, i woke up earlier than my family to head out and enjoy the view from vista bridge one last time. the walk was short but also tiring (nicole and i were always out of breath walking up that steep path), and this last time walking up there was quite something, alright. for the past few weeks leading up to graduation and the taboo topic of moving back to california, i tried to savor every second walking up that steep hill. but nothing compared to the walk i had, alone, on the last day. the air never smelled so fresh and crisp, the birds never chirped so loud, and the city + its people never seemed so much harder to leave. even as i type this, at my desk here in my new room for the next year, i can recreate this scene so easily in my head that it immediately becomes alive in front of my eyes.

i’m someone who is afraid to think of such detail of good times and good days in fear of emotions that rush over me – especially when there’s nothing i can do about it. it’s not like i’m thinking about this during my winter break and will be heading back to pdx in a week or two, but i’m thinking about this in a time where i can only hope for an opportunity to soon return to the place that was my “new normal.”

that being said, i am in that pit of reminiscence (that is so incredibly hard to get out of), but i am also excited to see what lies ahead. having such a positive experience in this place with the best people only reminds me of how good he is and how many more things he has in store for me that i will continue to hold onto and treasure. and with that, i leave you my last portland video. it’s probably the shortest video i’ve made, but it’s one that i hold dearly to my heart. until next time, my beloved city of roses.